I am a firm believer in the importance of trying to bring joy to those around you, to the point that I’ve been called a pushover more times than I’d care to admit. The thought of telling someone “no” when they earnestly ask me for something makes my stomach churn. After a while, people began to expect that of me; it was unlike me to turn something or someone away, regardless of the situation and how I felt about it. 

Once you become someone who is “supposed” to always say a certain thing or be a certain way, you are made into a let down, a bad friend, or  for not being that way. You are always expected to say yes. You’re expected to go along with things. To never say no. You aren’t allowed to say things for yourself. Or maybe, inversely, you are never allowed to go along with things. You are expected to sit back and “be yourself,” stubborn and stuck. Either way, you are trapped between who you want to be and who you are “supposed” to be. 

There is a big difference between being self-centered and trying to find a center of self. If you speak and act with no consideration of other people, you are self-centered. If you speak and act knowing that it may not be what others want to hear or see, but know in your heart that you are doing what is right for yourself and doing what you need, you are not selfish. You are searching for a center of self. 

If your intentions are pure, if you have no intention of bringing harm to anyone, it is okay to say things that you want to say. It is okay to say things purely for yourself and to make decisions you wouldn’t normally make. There is nothing wrong with doing something that is beneficial to yourself. 

I am a firm believer in the importance of trying to bring joy to those around you. But I’m just as firm of a believer in finding that same joy for yourself.